Mom, creditors are bugging me

Twixter Coverage Part Two: Proximate Causes -- In some kind of uncanny and inexplicable coincidence, officials at the University of Florida have noted increased numbers of parents who are unable or unwilling to cut the cord, remaining closely involved with their children's lives even when they go off to college. Often these so-called helicopter parents go so far as to fight their children's battles for them.

"Now we're often seeing the initial call coming from the parents instead of the students. Say it's something like a late charge on rent, the parent will say, 'What do I need to do?' and they'll handle it," Blansett said.

"And we go ahead and let them," she said. "But technically, the student is the contract holder, and dealing with those kinds of issues is a skill that would be good for them to learn."

Parents go so far as to "[dictate] the student's major and [set] up the class schedule." Strange, isn't it, that graduates should be finding it increasingly difficult to make it in the daily grind of post-college life from anywhere but their parent's basement? Granted, the University of Florida is far from a representative sample--Floridians being widely considered tools, narcs and even pussies by bigger, older states--and there has been no specific examination of the interplay between helicopter parenting and twixterdom. Nonetheless, I have to say . . . uh . . . sure sounds like my mom . . . besides the major thing, my parents didn't approve of those choices and they couldn't set up my classes because neither know how to use an internet. Given the chance, though, I'm sure I would've graduated early with advanced degrees in money-making and God-fearing.

But let's reexamine: while allowing mommy and daddy to handle your collegiate affairs would seem to be an obvious detriment to growth, I'm not so sure it's a horrible arrangement. If the Gainsville Sun is correct, that "the phenomenon is related to a baby-boom generation of involved parents who have been organizing their children's lives since infancy . . .when their babies go off to college, some parents are unable to deal with the empty nest," then University might not be simply about a young generation learning to stand on its own, but also about an older generation envisioning nothing ahead but a life of childless futility and malaise. It can be difficult to give up to a cruel and uncaring world that which a parent has worked his or her whole life to protect. Such a situation can and should be seized upon. Kids will learn quickly the value of exploiting the weak and the old.

I, for one, made use of my parent's moribund insecurity and looming sense of mortality by making them a proxy in my affairs. Any problem that couldn't be solved with a handful of pubic hair on a roommate's keyboard was cause for a pinch hitter, someone to step in and knock life out of the park. It's about playing to one's strengths, which, in itself, is a very important life skill.

So, in the long run, Twixters might be suffering the love of micromanaging parents, but in the short, ma and pa have a semi-full house again, and in turn they don't give anyone with a Pennsylvanian accent my phone number. If not perfect, it's at least a workable situation.